Monday, May 26, 2014

Suicidal - Why is this Happening?

I told you I would continue publishing a few journal entries, but have been swamped with work, so finally got around to the computer this morning to keep that promise. I will try to post every day or every other day or so until it is all told...

May 11, 2014              Sunday

Miles is in the hospital tonight. He has been suicidal, so Devry and Rob Byrd both went to church members for help. Devry told me that Miles was in his bedroom drawing all morning. A couple ward members (including a Dr.) went to visit Miles. The Dr. talked with him extensively, and determined that he must not be left alone, and that he needed professional help IMMEDIATELY…
I told the Dr. to please understand that I do not place a price tag on my husband’s life, but that he must also understand that we have NO MONEY… that our debt to income ratio is terrible, and that if he walked out of the hospital with a medical bill he could not pay, he would only come out more depressed. I told him that if we could not qualify for Medicaid, that someone must watch Miles until I could get there, and that I would not be there until late tomorrow night. He said not to worry, and that he would take care of things…

A few minutes later they gave Miles a blessing and took him to the hospital.

Mindy is staying here with my mother, and I am going home first thing in the morning.

This evening I drove from the hospital to mom’s house and packed the car for the trip home.

I cried when I first found out the seriousness of Miles’ depression. I cried a few times. I was so overwhelmed, and it seemed too awful to be true. But the lord blessed me with great peace and I know everything will be OK.

Mindy told me that every time I leave home, Miles gets depressed.

I thought that was interesting, because I instinctively knew that if I were home he would not have been like this and would not have had to be on watch.

On my drive from Ogden McKay Hospital to Logan I had a little inspiration.

 I believe that Miles is on the verge of success, and that Satan is striving to discourage him so that he will not have the faith to work and experience that success…

Today in the hospital I went to church. The first talk was about Mothers Day. The second one was about helping others during times when it is particularly difficult to do so, and when one might be frustrated and want to give up on them. The man gave stories of youth and of missionaries who were struggling (he was a mission president who sometimes WANTED to send struggling elders home but was prompted not to!)... I knew that the principles and stories applied to people of ALL stages and ages.

I thought of Miles…

Then as I drove home I knew that the lord was telling me to help Miles to succeed and not to let him give up and quit… to help him to keep moving forward and to experience the success the Lord knows he is capable of.

I knew people would tell him to QUIT his business. I KNOW this, SOMEHOW I JUST KNOW IT!

And I will be the one to tell Miles that the people who tell him to quit, are wrong… I will help him to have the faith and courage to keep on working and to get that store up and running and making money. I will be the one to help him discover that he has what it takes to experience success in this area. ...even though I am the one who begged him to end this seasonal business years ago, and even though we still have to figure out a way to make it YEAR ROUND, and not just seasonally! :o
I have 12 hours of driving ahead of me tomorrow, so I must get to bed and sleep.

Good night. J

Corine :D


  1. I am so sorry to hear about Miles' depression. It's such a serious illness and often misunderstood. I hope they can put him no something that raises the serotonin level - they've made amazing medical advances in treating clinical depression.

  2. Thank you Keith. :D ... Miles is doing much better. He is on medication, and I'm doing some research to know what to do to balance his body so he no longer needs the medication. This is a very educational experience! :)


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