Resolving Marital Conflicts

“It is only with true love and compassion

that we can begin to mend what is broken in the world."

Steve Maraboli

Hi. J It is interesting to me that this morning I felt quite frustrated and sad, only to become quite happy shortly after. It only took a moment of reflection to realize that the times I feel happiest are always followed by some type of adversity. It is like the overcoming is what makes life sweet. J Honestly, the opposition – the feeling of sadness – makes the feeling of happiness that follows SO MUCH GREATER and so much MORE APPRECIATED.

It is also interesting to me that most of the past month has been going so smoothly that I have had nothing to write about and no strong emotions to get me thinking - until today - when things seemed to temporarily turn sour. Now I feel inspired to write! :o 

Miles and seldom argue any more. But this morning we had an argument that was tough to mend. As a result, a piece of my life began to feel BITTER. And just as I began to feel bitter I immediately recalled a statement I heard in General Conference recently; “The challenge we face, is to experience the bitter, without becoming bitter.”  (I LOVE THAT!) Upon remembering this I immediately resolved not to allow myself to become bitter.

I also resolved to face my challenge with the faith, courage, and the Christianity that a follower of Christ should face challenges with. This meant I had to resolve the conflict I had with my husband. And I had to treat him the way I wanted him to treat me (Hmm... The golden rule. Kids have all the answers. ;). It meant that since I was the one with the idea of being a peacemaker – I had to be willing to kindly make peace even if he wasn't yet on board with the idea of doing so (we all have to take our turns at being the one to initiate love and healing; know what I mean?).

So I prayed, read my scriptures, prayed some more to get myself in the right frame of mind, then went to my husband and asked him to talk with me and work with me to resolve things. He wasn’t on board at first. It was somewhat challenging. But I was determined to make peace and resolve an issue. I strove to make it my first agenda to understand HIM and place his needs ahead of my own. When he was discouraged I let him know I was not. I also told him, “I did not get married to fail in my marriage. I did not have children to fail as a mother. I did not start a family to fail. And I will not give up at resolving this family conflict.” I think he sensed my sincerity and determination because that is when he seemed to take courage and jump on board… J And let me tell you... I'm not always this awesome ;) and it felt good to do good! :D

Miles and I talked until we came to an understanding and created feelings of peace, love, and hope – for both of us. The progress we made was amazing! :D We are better individuals and a stronger couple now. We have a new goal; we are more positive and optimistic. We see things more clearly. We are becoming better people. :D And we are both filled with happiness, hope, and love.

PS. Miles and I have learned that when it comes to marital conflicts; either we both win, or we both lose. When we argue it isn’t him against me or me against him. It isn’t about who is right or wrong. It’s about US against the conflict. It’s about coming to a solution, conclusion or understanding together. THAT is one very big principle which has helped us to win in battles of resolving conflicts...

Is there something that you and your spouse have found that helps you to resolve conflicts? I'd love to hear about it in the comment section! :D

PS. I hope your life is good and that you are enjoying the Christmas Season! J

Hoping you feel Loved and Loving,

Corine :D