Wednesday, May 15, 2013

To the Weary on Mother's Day...

Mothers Day has just come and gone... For some it was a wonderful day - for others it was heart wrenching...

I remember going through times when I didn't like Mothers Day. My husband used to have the attitude that I wasn't his mother so he didn't need to do anything for me. It didn't occur to him to help our kids do something nice for me, either - he wasn't being insensitive, he just grew up in a house where they didn't really celebrate anything. His first birthday party took place when I threw a party for him after we were married. In addition, Mothers Day was hard for me because I was really hard on myself and beat myself up a lot. Mothers Day was a reminder of my own negative feelings of being a "failure" as a mother in certain aspects...

Many women struggle on Mothers Day for other reasons as well... because they have no mother, feel unloved by either their mother or children, or because they themselves struggle with infertility or are single and do not wear the title of mother. What a tough day it can be for so many... I don't think it should be that way. Mothers Day isn't about thinking about what isn't... 

In church (Sacrament meeting) yesterday we had a WONDERFUL talk given about what Mothers Day IS - and of how it is a day to pay respect to ALL women for their tender "motherly" hearts - regardless of whether or not they wear the title of "mother." I have a new perspective... I think from now on when Mother's Day comes - it will remind me to be thankful for the beautiful attributes that God has blessed all women with. I think I will remember to look around me and notice those who need nurturing... to extend a hand of service more frequently, not only to my own children, but also to the neighbor's children, and all other persons who I come in contact with - regardless of age...

ALL WOMEN are gifted with motherhood. Even Eve was recognized as a mother BEFORE she ever had children. So too, should all women be recognized for the compassion, kindness, love, selflessness, and every other "motherly" attribute which they possess - on Mothers Day - and every day.

Photos taken at a Relief Society Humanitarian Service Project my daughter and I attended (along with many other women who may not call themselves "mother") I took the photos after the project was finished - while the women were being spiritually fed! :)

This is a subject that visits my mind repeatedly... We are all inspired when we see success and the "ideal" situation - SO LONG AS THERE IS H.O.P.E. FOR US TO ATTAIN our own DREAM of attaining that "ideal", TOO - (coupled with GRATITUDE for what we already have ). Without both gratitude and hope it can be so easy to fall into despair and sorrow. Perspective is everything. I wonder if the hopeful and happy "childless" women who truly desire to be mothers - or the mothers who are less than what they hoped to be as mothers - are NOT discouraged - simply because of their thoughts and focus on all that they already ARE and on all that they can yet BECOME...

I seldom get discouraged anymore. I still mess up a lot. I still come no where  close to the "ideal" mother. But I'm OK. I'm still a good mom... I believe that where there is discouragement there are lies... "You haven't overcome it yet, therefore you never will." or "It hasn't happened yet, therefore it can't." It seems that whenever I was discouraged and I would finally stop listening to voices of discouragement and be TRULY HONEST with myself (which it takes being POSITIVE to do), I would discover that there was always some lie (or lies) buried beneath the truth, and that once I un-burried the lie(s) there was ALWAYS HOPE. I don't mean hope of having everything we want or right when we want it, but hope none the less - enough of it to make the situation truly OK...

I believe that where there is God, there is the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and through the Atonement of Jesus Christ - there is always hope - even if it is simply hope for healing or hope to endure and be happy WITHOUT some of our dreams coming true; Hope that at least in the next life, certain dreams WILL come true. Or that somehow - happiness will not be diminished due to any unfulfilled dream of some unmet ideal...

We all have dreams that don't come true or are put on hold. 
In the mean time, let us all be thankful for what we have - and be sensitive to the feelings of others and the struggles others are going through. It's important to be HONEST - to not brag or strut try to make our lives appear to be something they are not (and that means not exaggerating - or humanizing). It is important to be compassionate and comforting to others - and to ourselves...

Hugs to all - as we patiently wait upon the Lord for the righteous desires of our hearts...
Corine :)

 PS. I truly hope that those women who still wait to hold a baby of their own will come to find joy in "mothering" their sisters, friends, cousins, nieces, nephews, neighbors etc. They ARE Mothers, as much as anyone else who calls themselves "mother."

PPS. In case you are wondering... yes - I had a good mothers day. :)

UPDATE: MAY 16TH - For those who still may see this, and who try and try to figure out the never-ending work in progress of motherhood - I have a quote for you... :D

"What matters is that a mother loves her children, and in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else."
Elder M. Russell Ballard


  1. Thank you for such a beautiful post, Corine! I truly loved it. Thank you for lifting me up today.

    1. You are SOOO welcome! :D And thank you for letting me know you read it and were uplifted! The traffic on my little blog is small, but oh so worth it each time I can lift another!
      Corine :D

  2. Corine, that was my husband and I our first 5 years of marriage. He just didn't get it, and I always was depressed on mothers day. Sounds like our husband grew up a lot the same.

    Thanks again for the wonderful post!

  3. Oh and I love this....

    "We all have dreams that don't come true or are put on hold. In the mean time, let us all be thankful for what we have - and be sensitive to the feelings of others and the struggles others are going through."

    This last week while feeling sorry for our financial situation and wishing so much that we had more, and could live my dream of traveling with my family and other such things, the thought came to me "have I not blessed you, you have healthy children, a home to live in and all the things you NEED!" Then I started thinking of all the hard things that are going on around me, all the struggles that even my own siblings are going through, we ALL are struggling to get through this life, but it is only going to make us stronger!

    1. Replying to both comments, as well as a million other posts and comments... we really do have a lot in common! :D ...share so many of the same dreams, ...learn so many of the same lessons... Life is good. :D

  4. So many beautiful thoughts in one post!

    1. Thank you, Valerie. :D Great to see you here again. :)


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