Hi. :D This week I made some mistakes which hurt financially… I was so frustrated with my mistakes that I even lost my temper. It was hard. One of the things which frustrated me was realizing (after it was too late) that a little voice in my head warned me before every mistake. Each time the warning came I argued “with myself,” and then proceeded along the course of doing exactly what the voice warned me NOT to do. I wasn't being evil or rebellious. I just thought “I” didn't know what I was talking about. I would even ask myself, “Where did you get that? :o”
This morning I lay in bed thinking about my mistakes. I realized that there have been MANY times in which I have argued with “myself” (unfortunately winning) only to later realize that the little voice in my head knew something I didn’t.
I then wondered…
How can I argue with myself, if I know, everything which I know. And how can I not know something that I know? Furthermore… why would I warn myself of a danger or potential issue which I don’t believe is there? And why would I have cause to disagree with myself?
Contemplating these questions led me to the conclusion that the voice which is warning me and which I have been arguing with must NOT be mine…
Please don’t misunderstand or think that I don’t already know that all of my thoughts are not my own… I do. But I am learning again at a deeper level - through experience - (I wrote about this topic once recently. Heavenly Father is really working on getting this DEEP into my mind... You can go to this link to read it if you want to).
Some thoughts are obviously not mine. Like the examples from the cartoons - of a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other - each with opposite persuasions concerning a moral issue. Easy to identify, right? However, I am now realizing at a deeper level that many of the common everyday thoughts which don’t seem to pertain to "moral" issues are also – not me…
For example, when I stood in line at the grocery store to purchase a few items, a voice said to me,
“You better not buy this. If you do your banking account will go in the negative, and then you will not only have these items still to pay for, but may also the overdraft fees to go with them.” Now, making a mistake like this one is not a moral issue. The voice/thought is not persuading me to do either right or wrong. He is just looking out for me. Who cares about "me" more than I do? ;)
Therefore, without even thinking about whose voice it was, I argued “with myself”…
“No it won’t. I checked the account yesterday and there is money in it.”
Unfortunately, “the voice” knew that a check which I thought had already cleared, cleared AFTER I looked at the account. I was careless and didn't balance the books. The voice was right… :P
I always knew that our Father in Heaven cares about every aspect of our lives. The big things we know He will talk to us about, as well as the little things too (like going in the red). So why did I not consciously realize that He would talk to me about these things as well?
I think of my father who bounced me on his knee when I was a baby. I KNOW he loves me and would never stand idly by and watch me do something he knows I will regret without kindly pointing it out. Somehow, though, I simply forgot that just as my wonderful dad would warn me if he knew I was about to do something that I would regret – so does my Father in Heaven care about me enough to warn me of things which, may not be of an eternal nature but really do affect my life and happiness right here and now…
Once I realized this I felt incredibly blessed… I have a father who is always there for me and aware of everything I do. He wants me to be happy for eternity, and now… He is there to encourage or warn me every step of the way and to notice when a choice which I plan to make will have consequences that I would not enjoy. He loves me. He is SO THERE FOR ME! I am HIS, and He has given me the Holy Ghost as a constant companion so I can be safe and happy. :D
All the money I foolishly lost this week was as dung to me – for in its place I received knowledge of value beyond measure! :D
I’m choosing now to make a more conscious effort to listen to all “my” thoughts; and if I feel inclined to argue “with myself” I will now be asking myself if the voice is actually mine, or if I am hearing some other loving voice of caution, protection, hope, and peace... or a voice of discouragement, hatred, or temptation…
I am DONE ARGUING. From now on I will be consistently, CONSCIOUSLY CONSIDERING where the thoughts in my mind are coming from and whether or not I should listen to them; they aren't all mine… If He who loves me is speaking to me I will listen, ponder, and obey. If he who does not love me speaks I will immediately disregard it.
The mistakes I made this week have turned out to be HUGE blessings for me. I’m not discouraged about my mistakes. I’m excited! :D As I heard from a song one LDS youth site, “Mistakes don’t define you; they refine you.” Just think of how much better off my family will be now that I realize these things and will be living my life with greater caution? :D I always lived cautiously when it came to moral issues, and it kept me morally safe. Why not live cautiously in all areas of life?
I’m excited to really make a conscious effort to GET REALLY GOOD at listening - and obeying… :D
I hope you have had an awesome and spiritual day!