Thursday, July 11, 2013

Marriage Defined...

Marriage between a man and woman verses marriage between two men or two women...

There is a great deal of controversy over this subject. Some feel it is unkind to tell two people they can not be married. I myself feel compassion for those who are attracted to the same sex and sincerely hope that they will live happy healthy lives. There are some laws which may cause two men or two women to desire to be "married." These laws need to be changed. For example, in some cases, there are laws which do not permit visitors to persons admitted in hospitals unless the visitor is married to the patient. I don't agree with such laws. People should have a right to choose who enters their hospital room. Some have no spouse and should be allowed any friend or family member of their choice to be with them - married or not. Some people are single, or desire another relative or friend to enter their room as they pass on. Redefining marriage will not solve this, or any other issue... Redefining marriage to accomplishing such issues is not the solution; eliminating these controlling laws is.

When brainstorming solutions to problems, I try to look at the whole picture, and how various possible solutions will affect everyone. I seek to refrain from judging, and simply look at all options with an open mind. Some will only consider another person "open minded" if the two of them agree. Interesting...

I heard a speech given by a very open minded 13 year old girl in which some (many) individuals judged her for being "hateful." I believe that those who were judging her do not understand her point of view. I do not see her point of view as hateful, but as one in which the entire picture is looked at, and not just the needs of the individuals who desire to be married. I think I'll copy and paste her speech here, then proceed to make my point...

"When I was eight or nine, I had a close friend whose parents were getting divorced. She asked me, “If you had to give up one parent, which would you choose?” I could not decide. My mom and dad both have their strengths and weaknesses, but when it comes down to it, I need both parents.

As a thirteen-year-old, it’s funny to watch adults fight about the issue of marriage. Sometimes adults act like selfish children. Most of what we heard [Wednesday] on the steps of the Supreme Court was all about adult’s marriage rights. From what I heard, children’s rights were basically ignored. Children are defenseless, so shouldn’t they be the main focus of the debate? When we favor the wants of consenting adults over the needs of children who cannot consent, something is very wrong.
Children shouldn’t be separated from their parents without a very good reason. When a child is separated from a parent through death or divorce, it is a tragedy that changes his or her whole life. When separation must happen, we should be honest enough to admit that the process is painful for kids. Gay marriage is hurtful to children because it becomes the tool that separates children from at least one parent. Why would the government encourage, let alone enforce, such hurtful separation?

And by the way, grown-up romantic feelings are not reason enough to separate a kid from a biological parent. When redefining marriage, we have to pretend that if the grown-ups are happy, then everyone is happy. Problem is, pretending won’t help. And if a kid like me calls them on it, things can get ugly very quickly.

Last March, I spoke at a Celebration of Marriage event at the Capitol Rotunda. After, the protesters got on Facebook and Twitter and said that I was being taught to be a “hater.” To that I say, no child needs to be taught to want a mom and dad. It’s a biological instinct. They have to be taught that it’s normal to be taken from one parent.
The protesters went on to call me every name imaginable. I can take the heat, but let me take a moment to speak a language they understand. When an adult gay man beats up on a thirteen-year old girl on Facebook, there’s a name for that. When you call a young girl brainwashed, bigoted, and a hater, there’s a name for that. When you dismiss my opinions and needs just because I’m weaker or younger than you, there’s a name for that. When you use the law to separate defenseless children from their mom or dad for no reason other than your desires there’s a name for that, too. It’s called bullying.
And in this case, they are trying to bully nature itself. In my U.S. History class, studying Thomas Jefferson was sometimes difficult. He was always talking about “unalienable rights” and saying things like “We hold these truths to be self-evident.” It took me a couple of tries, but I think I get it now. Here’s why:
On the day I was born, I automatically had a relationship with my mother and father. That’s the power of a biological bond. It happens naturally. That’s what “self-evident” means. We can try and fight nature, but nature will always fight back and win. Sure, we can pass any law we want. We can pass a law that says the sun doesn’t shine. Problem is, the sun will still shine. We can pass a law that says a perfectly good dad has no rights to his own child, a thing that happens often where marriage has been redefined. Problem is, he’s still the dad.
Whether you call it nature or God, each of us exists only through a mom and a dad. Every person has that exact same birthright. If ever I was “endowed by my Creator with certain unalienable rights,” this is it—to be born with a mom and dad. Why? Because it is impossible to be born any other way.
Traditional marriage is designed to protect this unalienable right given by the Creator that Jefferson spoke of. When we redefine marriage, we begin to fight against the unalienable rights of children. Tonight I am here to represent those children, and I would like to say one more thing in their behalf. We hold these truths to be self-evident: it takes a mom and a dad to create a child, so it takes a mom and a dad to raise one."

Now, I have a few words of my own to say about marriage...

Marriage is not a selfish institution... Marriage is about more than meeting one's own needs; it's about meeting the needs of others.

Marriage was created and ordained of God and to be shared explicitly between a man and a woman - in large part for the purpose of creating a strong family unit where everyone's needs are met. 

God created men and women, each with specific gifts and abilities that the other lacks. Men and women balance and compliment each other. A man and a woman can support each other, and together they can support and nurture their children - in a way that two women or two men could never hope to...

God made this miraculous and perfect support possible for each of his children by instituting marriage between a man and a woman and making the creation of children possible ONLY through a man and a woman. ALL of a child's needs are important. ALL should be met. God made sure that a woman could not have a child without a man and a man could not have a child without a woman; by doing so he insured each child would have both a mother and a father through the sacred union of a man and a woman; and He instituted "marriage" for this purpose...

I believe that everyone should have the right to live with and love whom ever they desire to, so long as they do not take rights away from another to meet their own desires. No one has the right to take away another person's rights... No one - Christian or not - has the right to redefine marriage/seek to change the parameters of an institution created by God. How ironic and self serving - to seek to take away a God given right to children, in the name of obtaining a man made right for one's self which, truthfully, can not exist.

I wonder if most people even realize the definition of marriage...

I looked up the definition of "marriage" in the DK Illustrated, Oxford Dictionary. Here is what it says: "1 the legal union of a man and a woman in order to live together and often to have children. 2 an act or ceremony establishing this union. 3 one particular union of this kind (by a previous marriage). 4 an intimate union (the marriage of true minds)." (a fifth definition is given for card games - not applicable here)

If two people of the same sex desire companionship, let them have it; but let them give it it's own name and not lie by calling it "marriage" - the uniting of a man and a woman. Let them have their relationship without taking away the unalienable/God given rights of children!

I hope this post is helpful... 

PS. Here are a couple articles I like regarding marriage..

Nurturing Marriage

Selflessness: A Pattern for Happiness

Here is a great quote from that speech... :)

 “How prudently most men sink into nameless graves, while now and then a few forget themselves into immortality.”

The Doctrinal Importance of Marriage and Children

I hope you have a wonderful day! :)
Corine :D


  1. You know what? Even though you and I disagree on this issue, I love how you so eloquently stated your opinion without bashing the other side. I wish both sides could always to what with each controversial issue :)

    1. Thank you, Keith. :) I wish so too...

  2. I loved reading your words on this topic. It's such a difficult one with such intense feeliings. I know my take on it but typically I keep it to myself. It's not worth the time spent arguing with the people I know.

    I am on your side (just for clarification)

    The one aspect of the whole debate I haven't gotten past is this... why is so much time spent talking about the sexual preferences of people? Because being gay is simply that. It's not about love or marriage or domestic partnerships... for me it's about sex. Plain and simple. People who desire sexual contact with someone of the same sex. There are many women that I love... but I don't want to have sex with them.

    I'm probably very naive about all of this. But who you choose to have sex with does not, in my mind, establish the right to change laws, move mountains, redefine anything.

    I know I'm rambling here and I'm not doing such a good job at explaining my point of view.

    I had an employee a few years back who was gay and in a long-term domestic relationship. He became offended when the women he worked with wanted to discuss the type of makeup he was wearing one day. I had a very difficult time handling the complaint and resolution.

    He was wearing makeup because he prefers to have sex with other men. Bottom line. And, in this very specific instance, I feel like he was wearing makeup to make it known that he prefers to have sex with men. He was putting himself out there and then became offended when asked about it.

    Okay, I'm done rambling and quite possibly upsetting some apple carts... sorry I took off here in your comments :)

    1. Thanks, Sherri. (I love that you love my words :D) And no worries about you 'rambling.' I love reading my readers thoughts! And I'm curious to see if anyone else responds to your comment, because you made some points I hadn't even thought of. No upset here; thanks...

  3. Sherri, I have a thought that may be worth adding here...

    I think being "gay" is different for different people. Some choose a gay lifestyle, but others choose not to. I have heard some who are attracted to the opposite sex say that they DON'T have sex with those of the same sex because they are striving to obey Gods laws of morality. For these people, I think there may be a chemistry between the same sex that they wish wasn't there. I respect that they choose to fight this battle for the sake of honoring and obeying God, and having faith that in the end they will be happier for doing so - even if that end doesn't completely come until the next life. There is a peace that comes from doing what is right. There is strength in knowing that God is both kinder and wiser than we could ever be - and in trusting Him to lead us to the greatest happiness possible...

    I just thought I should add this. :)

    Have an awesome day! :D

    1. Thanks for responding!

      I have been thinking a lot about this topic since you posted.

      I have known many people who I suspect were probably attracted to the same sex but chose not to pursue that lifestyle... and like you, I have a great deal of respect for them. I cannot imagine how difficult the path must be for them. I often wonder about Priests... I was raised Catholic... I think many priests are gay men who joined the priesthood to align themselves with the teachings of Christ and maybe deny their attractions.

      That all being said... the people that I can't seem to find some sort of peace with are those who are considered "flaming". The men who dress in drag, the women who do the same. Those who are altering their bodies because they think they were born the wrong sex. I don't buy that at all. We are given all the things God intends for us individually. We are born into His vessel and who are we to change that in such dramatic ways?

      And I also find that these are the types of people who are protesting, parading, and fighting with all they are to change laws and redefine what we hold most sacred to satisfy their sexual desires.

      I get all riled up LOL

    2. One more thing I forgot LOL

      People who choose to live the gay lifestyle know full well it's a tough road to travel. They know of all the things they won't benefit from... yet they make the choice anyway.

      It's a choice.

  4. Sherri, I totally get where you are coming from... It truly is all about CHOICES. Thanks for your input.

    PS. Since writing this I have also thought more about these struggles that some are faced with, as well as other struggles that other people face (like youth choosing to live morally clean lives, and married couples having complete fidelity in marriage). I'm just going to get on my soap box for a minute... :)

    Each and every person in the world has some struggles of some kind. We all have some kind of "natural man" inside us that needs to be overcome.

    There are those who live respectable lives by fighting the natural man and doing what is right despite some "natural" (or unnatural) urge... and there are those who don't.

    A lot of it depends upon how we think and behave, and the desires that we choose to either EXTINGUISH via putting them out of mind and refusing to become OR FEED via meditation and recognition...

    I'm sure there is more to it than this oversimplified statement, and I wouldn't judge anyone for what they are going through. But as for me, I refuse to ever believe that anything that is against God's will is hopeless to overcome. And I will always STRIVE to align my thoughts and desires with God's will - no matter how challenging...

    I believe with all my heart that with God's help - Ultimately, WE WILL ALL BECOME - something - based upon what we CHOOSE to think, desire, and believe, and by the CHOICES we make. God is always there to give us paths and formulas to success and overcoming. Success and overcoming don't happen overnight, but as we endure in obeying God (even when it seems impossible), success and overcoming can and DO take place! :)

    OK.... Hopping down now. :o
    I hope you're having a great summer! :)
    Corine :D


There is a ripple effect in all that we do; what you do touches me, what I do touches you...

THANK YOU for your comments; you add so much insight and brighten my day! :)