Friday, May 23, 2014

Mental Health Challenges

I know I haven't been to THIS BLOG in a LONG time, and didn't intend to return, but the things I have to share at this time in my life just seem like they should be shared here; for this is where I used to share my struggles, and the joys that I found regardless of AND THROUGH THEM; and our family is currently going through some struggles, which I FEEL the Lord wants me to share... so for those who still come here, as well as for those who the Lord will lead here, here I am. 

A lot has gone on in our family. Where to start??

Miles and I have had very low income. We have received no welfare for a long time (but did off and on years ago); finances have gone up and down, but for the past few years income has continually gone down. Each year we have needed more miracles to get by financially. I know there has been a lot of judgment made about us and our finances. I know people judge him for not doing more (thought he tries!). I know they judge me for not doing more than just help my husband with our business (though I am already maxed out!). But I also know that there are reasons for why we do what we do which I could not explain to others (and still have no desire to explain; others can judge us, but they can't put us on trial). I understand it now. I now understand why Miles does what he does. I now understand why the Lord has guided me to do what I have done. :) I am filled with peace. It maters not what others think, only that we do our best and obey the Lord. I will not explain the "why's" but I will share a little recent history with you that will be somewhat enlightening...

A couple weeks ago my mother was informed that if she did not go to the ER., she would be dead in a couple weeks. She was terrified to go and refused to go until I could come be with her. I had no money to travel, but family members and a friend rallied together to help with expenses (which included auto repair). My daughter and I went together. We were in the hospital with my mom much of the time and ran back and forth between mom’s house in Logan and the hospital in Ogden… It was exhausting, but mom needed us, and was a blessing to serve…

During this time my husband went into a deep depression. I worried from the things he said by phone, but did not realize how deeply depressed he was. Miles struggled with suicidal thoughts and was in a dark hole he didn’t know how to climb out of.

We have two Dr.’s in our church ward family who heard of Miles’ struggles and went to our home to visit him. We had never previously text-ed, phoned, or “hung out,” before, yet here they were…

While I was out of town (and still planning to be out of town for another week or more) one of them and another friend took Miles to the hospital; With tears of regret that I could not be in two places at once, I changed plans and left my mom at the hospital to prepare the car for the long drive home.

(BTW. Mindy stayed behind to help her grandmother her first few days home from the hospital - another bit of inspiration from the Lord, for Mindy also felt inspired to go to help her grandmother, even though I was going!… I think it helped me as much as mom; it made it more bearable for me to leave!)

I planned on waking naturally so I could be well rested and prepared well for the long drive… content with arriving home by bedtime. But at 3 AM I could not sleep. Eventually I got out of bed and drove, planning to stop and see Miles in the hospital on my way home. When I got to the hospital (hours earlier than I would have if I had not woke at 3), I learned of “visiting hours” and that they had just started. I thanked the Lord for the sleepless night that woke me early… J

Home again - The next morning I got into a new routine… After a week of traveling hundreds of miles and caring for my mother, exhausted; this became been my new schedule: I woke around 4 AM to clean house etc.; then worked at the sailboat shop (family business) all day; ran home for a quick bite to eat; then drove to visit my husband during visiting hours in the evenings… returning home just on time to read scriptures and go to sleep in preparation to do it all over again the next day. Not a moment to spare, and with only about 6 hours of sleep each night; and I have been blessed to do so much and still feel so rested! This cannot be coincidental. I was carried and rejuvenated by the Lord! J

After blood tests, Miles was diagnosed Bipolar (Manic Depressant) and put on medication.

This explained some things regarding our income (no, I won't elaborate - except to say that my husband has always been very overly trusting and kind to his customers; and that HAS affected our income, among other overly optimistic decisions made. :))…It is a miracle we have made it this long, and it seems impossible to keep the business going. But I believe the Lord never runs out of miracles for those who love and serve Him and do everything they can…Maybe this diagnosis and medication is the beginning of another miracle... to help us with future decisions so we will not have to keep relying upon miracles...

Mom and Miles were both discharged from hospitals on the same day. Neither is out of the woods, but both are alive! :)

I am thankful for this!



In the coming days, I plan to publish a few of my journal entries that I have written during this time. After that, I will most likely continue to publish here as I write and keep you up to date as often as I feel inclined to. I don't know what the future holds for us, or how our story will evolve, but I do know the Lord loves us and that He is good at turning lemons into lemonade! ;0

I pray that others who are going through similar struggles will find strength and comfort in our story. and in the confidence we have that the Lord is mindful of us and loves us all, no matter our struggles...

Corine :D

 

4 comments:

  1. So good to hear from you Corine. I am glad that both Miles and your mom are out of the hospital. I hope the medication helps him. It should because when I was a grad student we learned how many amazing advancements have been made in medicine to treat things like clinical depression and BPD.

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  2. Thank you Keith! :D I hope so, too!

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  3. Hi Cornine... Life has kept me away from reading blogs - and writing much on my own as well...

    I have a few moments this evening and popped by to see how things are going. Oh man. I will keep you all in my prayers, close at heart.

    I hope things are getting better... although it will be what it will be in His time and according to His will. But some prayers can't hurt, eh?

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  4. Thank you, Sherri. :) Yes. Prayers are good... And I know you are right about prayers being answered in His own time, and in His own way. This is good, too. He knows best and I accept his will. I was just reading in the book of Daniel, chapter 4 this morning. It reminded me that God gives, and he takes, and he knows what he is doing. We are in his hands, and he knows best! PS. I too have been away from blogging and reading, for the most part, for some time now. I miss it, but have trouble fitting it into my days. I hope life is treating you well! Hugs... :)

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