My Heart and Mind:
My heart has been heavy since the tragic passing of my cherished friend (who I have loved since my youth as much as I love my own blood brothers). My heart has ached tremendously. Healing has been a slow process. Jason's family and friends are all in my prayers...
It is at times like this when I most need to remember to focus on all the good - and really appreciate the simple daily joys in life. I know the lord loves my friend and is healing him. At this very moment, I am choosing to keep my chin up and keep moving forward. I pray for this, but know I must also do my part. So I am choosing to trust in the lord and leave all thoughts leading to pain or worry behind; thoughts of "what if" or "if only" must also be things of the past. Jason is in the lord's capable hands... I choose to keep all idle/useless thoughts of things I have no control over out of my mind. I will retain and cherish sweet memories, but leave all the unanswered questions and unproductive thoughts alone, refusing to think upon them. I also choose to turn my thoughts towards things I can control or influence... to those who are in this world who need me, and to the simple pleasures that bring joy into my heart and into the hearts of others.
I am happy about all these decisions. My mind needs to be free. I know I need to start exercising again (since his passing) and set some more fitness goals. I need to keep doing things to keep my spirit strong as well as my body. I need to take care of myself so I can be a strength and blessing to the people around me who need me. I need to keep living - and really live...
With these positive decisions firmly in my mind, my burden is suddenly miraculously lightened. My heart aches less... :) I am determined to remember the good - the best. And I know it is also time for me to focus on what is happening in my own life right now. And so I shall, even right now on this very blog! There will be moments of solemn mourning, but there is always enough good to uplift and find joy in when we direct our thoughts positively...
The Current Highlight in My Life:
Miles had business traveling to do and could find no time in the summer schedule except during the weekend of our 23rd Wedding Anniversary. Therefore, a few weeks ago he asked if it was OK to go ahead and schedule work travel the weekend of our anniversary and take me with him (on the positive note that we could stay at a hotel and spend time together… :) I said OK, and that is how we spent our 23rd anniversary.
The day before our anniversary we drove all day (with business stops here and there) as I cried and talked about my friend off and on all day. I cried so much my nose and eyes got sore and my lips were parched from dehydration (again). Miles was SO AWESOME! It was nice to just talk about what ever came up in my mind (be it over memories etc., or the pain of knowing the pain Jason went through - which I choose to no longer dwell on) and have Miles be so great to just hear me out and let me talk! He was so pleasant, kind, supportive, understanding of my emotions etc. What an awesome husband! I am truly blessed to have him!!!
|Taken on our Anniversary in our "travel"attire! :o|
Our anniversary day was a really good day (my emotions were stable; yeah!). :D It was on Sunday. Miles and I headed out of town later than planned, so could not get to a town with a church on time come Sunday morning, but the day was relaxed and good. Since it was the Sabbath, we didn't eat out etc. but the time we had together at the hotel and walking around taking photos of the beauty around us was priceless. I also asked a kind man to snap a couple photos of Miles and I. The man was so nice, and let me give him a couple photography tips so we could finally get a photo that I really liked! I love my bravery (and nice, selfless people)! :D
Though Miles and I did nothing spectacular, it was SO NICE to just relax and be together, talking, walking, and taking photos. Like my friend Arlene said to me before we left for the weekend - "All a couple really needs to celebrate their anniversary is time together." She was right. :D
I also really enjoyed the drive home. We saw some beautiful places and started making plans for some exciting anniversary trips for the next couple of years (river rafting on the Salmon River - gorgeous place! And Miles wants to take me to NY to roller blade in Central Park for our 25th anniversary -the first item on my short - and still only verbal - bucket list! :). I'm so glad Miles likes to dream and stop and enjoy the scenery as we travel like I do! Here are a few photos taken on this trip (we had two cameras)...
When Miles and I arrived home I went straight to my bedroom with my clothes bag in hand and about dropped my jaw when I saw our bedroom. There was a beautiful new bed set on our bed, and gorgeous, burgundy curtains ready to be hung.
Our daughter, Mindy had been here… :) It HAD to be her. She is the sweetest, dearest, most giving daughter and friend I could ever ask for. I could see that she also purchased a curtain rod, but it was not quite up yet, thus the improvising with the stick that I brought in to use as a curtain rod (should I ever finally get around to purchasing or making a curtain :o). :D She couldn’t have done a better job of choosing colors; Miles and I both LOVE IT!
I also have a family camp out to write about and share photos from, but that will have to be another day.
Right now, it is time for me to stop writing and go do some home school/high school planning. School starts here in North Idaho next week. I pray this school year turns out to be the best one yet! Please feel free to pray for me with my school planning (still considering public vs. home school this year though we missed registration) and a little divine intervention to go with it; I sure could use the inspiration and help this year!
Thanks, and love you, friends! :)