I have an awesome little story to tell you. Well, I think it is awesome. :D Then I'm going to get to the point and tell you how it relates to LIFE. :) But first, a little background...
Background: Do you remember hearing about how I used to have an eating disorder (BTW - most people don't know that 97% of all women have one in some form or another)? Probably not. It was years ago (but lasted for years). Long story short, my weight fluctuated constantly, I compared myself to everyone else (their best features compared to my worst - without acknowledging that this was what I was doing). I was always miserable. I couldn't stand my body. And I sincerely believed that less weight was ALWAYS BETTER. I exercised for HOURS every day and was obsessive in many ways. I never listened to my body when it told me I was hungry. I had rules that told me when I could eat and how much. I was often very hungry. Sometimes I would get so hungry I would binge, then feel disgusted with myself and loathe myself some more. I wouldn't let myself throw up (that would make me bulimic), but I purged in other creative ways. I wouldn't allow myself to believe I didn't eat enough (that would make me anorexic). And I was sure that I really was a fat person, not a skinny person with a distorted view; yeah, I couldn't be anorexic; I had to be "normal" - cause' not being normal was just too stressful to be true! (can you believe the deceptive self dialogue that went on?).
Thankfully, I got in the Dietetics program and immediately discovered my issues through the classes I took in college. I was taught how to help people with eating disorders and applied what I was learning to help myself overcome my eating disorder and poor body image. Again, long story short... It worked. :)
I haven't owned a scale for MANY years (I got rid of the scale long before my weight got stable - part of the process of learning to like my body unconditionally and irregardless of number). I actually LOST weight after getting rid of the scale (this took - perhaps a decade to accomplish), then maintained a particular weight for the next 9-10 years (which happens to be the last 9-10 years of my life). I have been VERY psychologically healthy these past years (yeah!). Maintaining the exact weight has been one indicator to myself that I learned to be comfortable in my skin and to listen to my body (eat when hungry, stop when full etc) - rather than under eating, which would sometimes cause me to then overeat, as I had in the past. It has been an awesome decade! :D
Now for my story: :) This spring I began training for triathlons for the first time in my life. About this time I was having a difficult time finding clothes to fit me. I know my size, and bought in my size, but they just didn't fit like they used to. I concluded that the manufacturers changed their pattern and were making the clothes just a little bigger than they did before. This was frustrating; I wanted my jeans to fit right!
Spring turned into summer and I tucked my new jeans away and started wearing other pants. They didn't fit right either, but thankfully a couple of them had draw strings I could tighten to make them feel better. I was too busy to give it much thought, until it happened... Mindy bought a scale at a yard sale. I saw it sitting on the floor and out of curiosity I stood on it. It was wrong.
I was sure she was wrong. "No, it can't be. I weigh 127 and have weighed 127 for the past 9 or so years now. This scale says I weigh 122; it has to be wrong."
All the boys started coming in to weigh themselves to see if the scale gave them the same reading they got when they had their physicals for Boy Scouts. Again and again it was confirmed, "Yep. Same weight. This is right."
I was shocked. "It can't be! I never lose weight!!" Then came the assurance from my kids again, "No mom, I think it's right."
Now I was beyond shocked, I was LIVID!
Years ago I would have done cartwheels over losing weight (no matter what it consisted of! I even stressed about exercising years ago because my legs got bigger from muscle growth!). Even now, I know I still have cellulite on the back of my thighs, but I've had that since I was 16 and resorted to the fact that I may always have it. I decided that I need to take care of myself, be healthy, and be happy with myself JUST THE WAY I AM. Years of trying to be something I wasn't didn't bring me any happiness. Accepting myself just as I was DID.
Ironically, as I write this I now realize that I was not completely accepting myself just the way I am when I freaked out about losing muscle; afterwards though, I quickly acknowledged that I had already come to realize that I needed to eat a little more after my workouts and I knew I had lost muscle and that I could gain it back. I also acknowledged that some of it was probably fat - being positive is always a good idea. :)
But more importantly than all that... I realized that IT IS OK lose muscle, or gain fat, or TO MAKE MISTAKES! Everything fluctuates. Nothing stays the same and there are always dips of regression on the way to progression. And I realized that my focus has drastically shifted over the years, from losing weight, to being healthy and fit. What great progress!
In life, there are ups, downs, twists, turns! No life is perfect. No person is perfect. I am not perfect. As I train, and as I live life - I'm going to make some mistakes. :) And it's ALL good experience!
And you know what? I'm not going to fret about freaking out that I lost weight. I'm not going to think twice about the moment of worry I experienced. I'm going to keep on laugh, laugh, laughing over it! I'm going to rejoice, and celebrate my progress! Because I KNOW the value of having a positive body image, and I no longer believe the ridiculous nonsense that lighter = better, OR that I should never make mistakes or never have moments of regression! I will make mistakes. I will also learn from them. Life will have it's "down's." It will also have it's "up's." That's what makes it real... That's what makes it LIVING...
Background: Do you remember hearing about how I used to have an eating disorder (BTW - most people don't know that 97% of all women have one in some form or another)? Probably not. It was years ago (but lasted for years). Long story short, my weight fluctuated constantly, I compared myself to everyone else (their best features compared to my worst - without acknowledging that this was what I was doing). I was always miserable. I couldn't stand my body. And I sincerely believed that less weight was ALWAYS BETTER. I exercised for HOURS every day and was obsessive in many ways. I never listened to my body when it told me I was hungry. I had rules that told me when I could eat and how much. I was often very hungry. Sometimes I would get so hungry I would binge, then feel disgusted with myself and loathe myself some more. I wouldn't let myself throw up (that would make me bulimic), but I purged in other creative ways. I wouldn't allow myself to believe I didn't eat enough (that would make me anorexic). And I was sure that I really was a fat person, not a skinny person with a distorted view; yeah, I couldn't be anorexic; I had to be "normal" - cause' not being normal was just too stressful to be true! (can you believe the deceptive self dialogue that went on?).
Thankfully, I got in the Dietetics program and immediately discovered my issues through the classes I took in college. I was taught how to help people with eating disorders and applied what I was learning to help myself overcome my eating disorder and poor body image. Again, long story short... It worked. :)
I haven't owned a scale for MANY years (I got rid of the scale long before my weight got stable - part of the process of learning to like my body unconditionally and irregardless of number). I actually LOST weight after getting rid of the scale (this took - perhaps a decade to accomplish), then maintained a particular weight for the next 9-10 years (which happens to be the last 9-10 years of my life). I have been VERY psychologically healthy these past years (yeah!). Maintaining the exact weight has been one indicator to myself that I learned to be comfortable in my skin and to listen to my body (eat when hungry, stop when full etc) - rather than under eating, which would sometimes cause me to then overeat, as I had in the past. It has been an awesome decade! :D
Now for my story: :) This spring I began training for triathlons for the first time in my life. About this time I was having a difficult time finding clothes to fit me. I know my size, and bought in my size, but they just didn't fit like they used to. I concluded that the manufacturers changed their pattern and were making the clothes just a little bigger than they did before. This was frustrating; I wanted my jeans to fit right!
Spring turned into summer and I tucked my new jeans away and started wearing other pants. They didn't fit right either, but thankfully a couple of them had draw strings I could tighten to make them feel better. I was too busy to give it much thought, until it happened... Mindy bought a scale at a yard sale. I saw it sitting on the floor and out of curiosity I stood on it. It was wrong.
"Mindy, this scale doesn't work. It's wrong.""No it isn't." Came her reply back. "I compared it to some other scales, and it's right."
I was sure she was wrong. "No, it can't be. I weigh 127 and have weighed 127 for the past 9 or so years now. This scale says I weigh 122; it has to be wrong."
All the boys started coming in to weigh themselves to see if the scale gave them the same reading they got when they had their physicals for Boy Scouts. Again and again it was confirmed, "Yep. Same weight. This is right."
I was shocked. "It can't be! I never lose weight!!" Then came the assurance from my kids again, "No mom, I think it's right."
Now I was beyond shocked, I was LIVID!
"Oh no! I lost 5 pounds! Crud! I knew I lost muscle!!!"Mindy laughed.
"Mom, you're the only woman I know who gets upset about losing weight."I immediately began to laugh with her over the thought of it. :D
Years ago I would have done cartwheels over losing weight (no matter what it consisted of! I even stressed about exercising years ago because my legs got bigger from muscle growth!). Even now, I know I still have cellulite on the back of my thighs, but I've had that since I was 16 and resorted to the fact that I may always have it. I decided that I need to take care of myself, be healthy, and be happy with myself JUST THE WAY I AM. Years of trying to be something I wasn't didn't bring me any happiness. Accepting myself just as I was DID.
Ironically, as I write this I now realize that I was not completely accepting myself just the way I am when I freaked out about losing muscle; afterwards though, I quickly acknowledged that I had already come to realize that I needed to eat a little more after my workouts and I knew I had lost muscle and that I could gain it back. I also acknowledged that some of it was probably fat - being positive is always a good idea. :)
But more importantly than all that... I realized that IT IS OK lose muscle, or gain fat, or TO MAKE MISTAKES! Everything fluctuates. Nothing stays the same and there are always dips of regression on the way to progression. And I realized that my focus has drastically shifted over the years, from losing weight, to being healthy and fit. What great progress!
Life is like that.
LIFE ISN'T ALL downhill, and it isn't all uphill either...
LIFE ISN'T ALL downhill, and it isn't all uphill either...
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| Photo taken from the following website - http://rollercoasterweekly.webs.com/diamondback.htm |
In life, there are ups, downs, twists, turns! No life is perfect. No person is perfect. I am not perfect. As I train, and as I live life - I'm going to make some mistakes. :) And it's ALL good experience!
And you know what? I'm not going to fret about freaking out that I lost weight. I'm not going to think twice about the moment of worry I experienced. I'm going to keep on laugh, laugh, laughing over it! I'm going to rejoice, and celebrate my progress! Because I KNOW the value of having a positive body image, and I no longer believe the ridiculous nonsense that lighter = better, OR that I should never make mistakes or never have moments of regression! I will make mistakes. I will also learn from them. Life will have it's "down's." It will also have it's "up's." That's what makes it real... That's what makes it LIVING...
- Life IS like a roller coaster!
I hope we all relax, ease up on ourselves, and Enjoy the ride!
Corine :D
PS. Last Saturday I participated in the second annual, unofficial, Labor Day Triathlon among friends! :D I was feeling a little low that morning - sick even, from sadness (still healing). But I went. I finally had another REAL workout again (the desire is coming back!)
There was only one other woman in the race, and she crashed (so sorry Valerie!) so was unable to finish - leaving me the only female participant. The men who raced were AWESOME. Of course, I would be last, again... :o Oh well. :) But one of the men graciously took his sweet time. :) (Dennis rocks! He even did the Ironman this year!). Consequently, we got to visit a little off and on during the bike and run. That lifted my spirits, kept me going, and made it a lot more fun! :D I'm SO THANKFUL for kind people and good friends! :D
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That is awesome! I always had issues with my weight, but didn't go as far as having an eating disorder. Although I thought about it a lot. I love that you lost weight and were mad at yourself. You are an amazing example. I think about my weight way to much. since I am still 30lbs over weight. I wish I could loose weight easily, but I can't. I need to just let it go and be mom and workout daily, and I know I will feel better!
ReplyDeleteKendra, thanks so much for commenting here! :D I really appreciate your encouragement and friendship. :) Don't worry about how easy or hard it is to lose weight, just take care of yourself and do it in a way that you really ENJOY. Slow weight loss is the BEST anyhow! And weight just isn't worth stressing about. You are right; just let it go and be a mom and take care of yourself the best that you can while still being an awesome mom! :) I know you are a lot like me, so I'm going to advise you not to fret about not being perfectly consistent - it's OK... Just do your best and rejoice, not in making your goals perfectly, but in the progress you make and efforts you put forth. You are AWESOME! :)
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Corine :D
I had to laugh at you also Corine for freaking out about losing weight. You have come a long way and honestly I am enjoying your cute athletic look :)... Miles your husband.
ReplyDelete