HI friends! :D
New Years thoughts on APPROPRIATE Goal Setting...
Yesterday, I went through some frustrating moments with a teen who my husband and I have adopted as our own (not legally, but he has lived with us off and on as needed). We did NOT communicate very well with each other and were both frustrated.
I wrote this on FB as a result of it...
Afterwards, I found myself disappointed WITH MYSELF. I cried, because I was so frustrated, no longer with him, but with myself, for being frustrated with him and for not accepting his response to my counsel. There was a part of me that just wanted him to do X when I said Y and when it didn't happen it frustrated me! And I wasn't very nice.
I prayed hard for help to overcome my own weaknesses and for the Lord to help me to see what I was doing and how to change (I'm sure I'll keep praying for this until I'm proficient!).
After a few tears of my own and a few prayers off and on through the night and early morning I realized that I SET MYSELF UP FOR FRUSTRATION, NOT JOY. And some basic principles came back to mind that I realized have to do with GOAL SETTING, and INTENTIONS...
These are basic principles, but I need to make a conscious effort to apply them to my life, goals, and expectations for myself and for others...
Principle: Since I can't change others, only myself, ALL GOALS need to be directed at what I want MYSELF to accomplish, not what I want the outcomes for others to be.
If I set a goal to help someone else to do something, I'm setting myself up for frustration and failure, because I'm not the one who can make them do it. They are.
I know this is obvious, but somehow, I think I have subconscious motives (goals that I don't realize I have) to accomplish things that only others can accomplish... and I need to train myself to recognize when I am thinking this way so I can change that mindset and set myself up for the peace and success the Savior desires for me to have. He wants me to be a mentor and example, but that is all. The outcome is out of my control...
I realized (again) that I need to NOT make it my goal to help THEM change/improve; I need TO make it my goal to give them rules (where appropriate), examples, opportunities, and guidance... which, if they choose to follow it, will help them improve...
And it can't be my goal for them to follow it, because it is NOT my choice to make that happen; it's theirs. Furthermore, for ME to be happy, I need to ACCEPT this lack of control and ACCEPT the possibility of choices I disagree with being made, remembering that our Savior's plan of happiness is for ALL people. And they CAN learn and grow if THEY will CHOOSE to, whether by their successes and good choices, or by their failures and mistakes...
With that in mind, when it comes to focusing on improvement and CHANGE, my energy and focus need to be SOLELY on changing and improving ME. AND ONLY ME. :)
If my goal is to provide my children (or others whom I seek to mentor - of any age) with opportunities for growth, and I provide these opportunities, then I can find joy in that. :) I don't have to hold back on being happy or think that happiness can only come if they take those opportunities and run with them! And this can only happen if I keep this perspective and have patience, knowing that the ones I love will continue to be given opportunities to learn from.
If my goal is to improve the world, I need to improve ME. :) And I can find joy and happiness in overcoming my own demons.
Another thing to keep in mind when setting goals is that the New Year is a time to reflect on the GOOD, and on what we have to be thankful for. It isn't a time to beat ourselves up. We all make mistakes, and we can find plenty of those in reflecting - but we shouldn't seek them out. Instead, we should BE THANKFUL for what we LEARN from our mistakes. Thus, even our past mistakes can be a source of joy with the proper perspective. And we can look forward to the future, knowing we have gained wisdom and that, as President Hinckley so rightfully stated, "our future is as bright as our faith!" :)
Here is a WONDERFUL video about New Years Resolutions/Goals...
New Years thoughts on APPROPRIATE Goal Setting...
Yesterday, I went through some frustrating moments with a teen who my husband and I have adopted as our own (not legally, but he has lived with us off and on as needed). We did NOT communicate very well with each other and were both frustrated.
I wrote this on FB as a result of it...
"Am I the only woman in my 40's who is STILL wondering when I'm going to finally reach emotional maturity and stop FREAKING OUT when teenagers drive me crazy? :o Please, tell me I'm not alone ladies!"
Afterwards, I found myself disappointed WITH MYSELF. I cried, because I was so frustrated, no longer with him, but with myself, for being frustrated with him and for not accepting his response to my counsel. There was a part of me that just wanted him to do X when I said Y and when it didn't happen it frustrated me! And I wasn't very nice.
I prayed hard for help to overcome my own weaknesses and for the Lord to help me to see what I was doing and how to change (I'm sure I'll keep praying for this until I'm proficient!).
After a few tears of my own and a few prayers off and on through the night and early morning I realized that I SET MYSELF UP FOR FRUSTRATION, NOT JOY. And some basic principles came back to mind that I realized have to do with GOAL SETTING, and INTENTIONS...
These are basic principles, but I need to make a conscious effort to apply them to my life, goals, and expectations for myself and for others...
Principle: Since I can't change others, only myself, ALL GOALS need to be directed at what I want MYSELF to accomplish, not what I want the outcomes for others to be.
If I set a goal to help someone else to do something, I'm setting myself up for frustration and failure, because I'm not the one who can make them do it. They are.
I know this is obvious, but somehow, I think I have subconscious motives (goals that I don't realize I have) to accomplish things that only others can accomplish... and I need to train myself to recognize when I am thinking this way so I can change that mindset and set myself up for the peace and success the Savior desires for me to have. He wants me to be a mentor and example, but that is all. The outcome is out of my control...
I realized (again) that I need to NOT make it my goal to help THEM change/improve; I need TO make it my goal to give them rules (where appropriate), examples, opportunities, and guidance... which, if they choose to follow it, will help them improve...
And it can't be my goal for them to follow it, because it is NOT my choice to make that happen; it's theirs. Furthermore, for ME to be happy, I need to ACCEPT this lack of control and ACCEPT the possibility of choices I disagree with being made, remembering that our Savior's plan of happiness is for ALL people. And they CAN learn and grow if THEY will CHOOSE to, whether by their successes and good choices, or by their failures and mistakes...
With that in mind, when it comes to focusing on improvement and CHANGE, my energy and focus need to be SOLELY on changing and improving ME. AND ONLY ME. :)
If my goal is to provide my children (or others whom I seek to mentor - of any age) with opportunities for growth, and I provide these opportunities, then I can find joy in that. :) I don't have to hold back on being happy or think that happiness can only come if they take those opportunities and run with them! And this can only happen if I keep this perspective and have patience, knowing that the ones I love will continue to be given opportunities to learn from.
If my goal is to improve the world, I need to improve ME. :) And I can find joy and happiness in overcoming my own demons.
Another thing to keep in mind when setting goals is that the New Year is a time to reflect on the GOOD, and on what we have to be thankful for. It isn't a time to beat ourselves up. We all make mistakes, and we can find plenty of those in reflecting - but we shouldn't seek them out. Instead, we should BE THANKFUL for what we LEARN from our mistakes. Thus, even our past mistakes can be a source of joy with the proper perspective. And we can look forward to the future, knowing we have gained wisdom and that, as President Hinckley so rightfully stated, "our future is as bright as our faith!" :)
Here is a WONDERFUL video about New Years Resolutions/Goals...
Wishing you all happy goal setting and a HAPPY NEW YEAR! May we all set goals that are in OUR reach! And may we still aim high! ;)
Corine :D
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