Monday, October 10, 2011

Oneness in Mariage - Deseret News Reading...

Good morning! :D

I was scanning my emails quite early this morning when I came upon a link to Deseret News, and spied the title to an article that jumped out and intrigued me...  "Spiritual Derivatives of Oneness in Marriage." Oneness is something that I often think about. Through the scriptures, we are commanded to be one with our spouse, and I aim to keep all of God's commandments, but I've never been sure that I actually know exactly what it means to be one... This has been a seemingly elusive goal that I strive to obtain... Seeking clarity, I read the article!

The article started right out talking about the "deeply spiritual thought" of the yin and the yang, and of how men and women in their differences, compliment and complete each other just as the yin and yang do.
Photo taken from Deseret News
Article spoken of...

This I already knew. So far, all was familiar, and I could confidently say that in my marriage with my husband we are both entirely aware of how "different" we are, and that the years have taught us to be "thankful" for our differences. We both agree whole heatedly that our differences compliment each other and complete us. Because of our differences, and the fact that we each have what the other lacks... we need each other. We are also both so much more together than we could ever hope to be apart!

But I was searching for something new to learn. Something that I could not so readily agree with, and thus, something that I could take home and incorporate into my marriage to help me to be "more one" with my husband. I continued to read...

So far, I had been feeling pretty good. So far, we were "not alone" in some inferior way... Then I read this:

Elder LeGrand Richards, an apostle in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, used to go to the same neighborhood church that we did. He was in his 90s, and one day someone asked him the secret to his longevity. "Well," he said, "way back, 65 years ago when my wife and I got married, we made a solemn vow that we would never fight or argue within the walls of our own home."

My heart sank... I could absolutely, POSITIVELY NOT say that. Sigh... Would/could my husband and I ever be one, despite this gross discrepancy???
I continued to read, discovering that while I was wallowing, the author was "impressed,"

I was impressed, but thought he must have missed the question and gone off on another topic. Then, with a twinkle in his eye, he went on, "That's why we've lived so long — we've spent so much time in the out-of-doors!"

LOL!    :D   sigh...

Whew! Maybe there is some hope for us after all! ;) (You know, I've heard this before, but had forgotten; and I'm glad I did because I really enjoyed reading this today!)

I continued to read, and found that the authors were about to quote the findings of three types of marriages in which there was absolutely NO CONFLICT. I was intrigued! I would love to have that, I wondered what I have to do to get it. I read on...

"The first type of conflict-free marriage," he said, "is where one spouse is totally dominant and the other is a total doormat."

I knew that would never do. I learned a long time ago NOT to be a doormat, and really am not in to dominance either. But that's OK, there were still two more options to go! :D So I continued reading.

"The second is where the two live such separate lives and have such separate interests that there is no overlap and thus no need for disagreement."

That sounded WAY too lonely! Besides, we had worked hard at learning to like some of the things each other greatly enjoys doing, and we have found great joy from enjoying together the interests which we already had in common.

Obviously, these first two options were the lemons to prepare the readers for the Grand Finale! I could hardly wait to read what it was! :D

"The third is where one or the other is dead."

What? Did I read that right? DEAD!  ~ LOL Again! 
Where is the "applause button?" I want to push it!!!!

I did continue reading, and I did finally find something that I DO actually need to work on (which others have achieved). But after everything else I read, it wasn't so monumental... And it was already something that I knew I needed to change, and was already working on. That was encouraging.

I thought about giving you another little summary of the rest of the article, but honestly, you may just want to read it for yourself, so here is a link to the article: Spiritual Derivatives of Oneness in Marriage.

After devouring this article, I went online and looked up another article on oneness to further enlighten my mind. Here is a quote found in one of the articles, which I think is encouraging to those single persons who may struggle with finding the "right one," as well as to any married couple who may wonder after marriage if the partner they chose is actually the most compatible person for them:

"While every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price." Spencer W Kimball

In the above article, Kimball goes on to provide a formula - which unselfish, righteous, determined individuals may use - to create a successful marriage (see the link above if you would like to read the formula). There are many wonderful gems here, and one which is new to me; I am still learning, and am very excited about what I am learning! It amazes me that no matter how much I learn on a subject, there always seems to be more to learn! I love it! :D

Reading these articles caused me to wonder a few things... Maybe, the two of us can be one after all... Maybe, we are already well on our way in this great process of merging. ??? I think we are...

I hope you enjoy these readings. But more especially, I hope you find joy in enjoying the differences between you and your spouse!

Have a great day!
Corine :D

ADDITION:  I just found a blog titled, "Cleaving Together" What are the odds??? You may want to check it out! :D


  1. Wonderful writing Corine! You and I are so much alike... I love that. This is such a good post and I'm going to have to hop over and read that article as soon as I have another extra minute.

    I believe that "oneness" is marriage is essential! I loved the 3 types of marriage where there is no conflict. :) That made me laugh... but it is SO true!

  2. haha, I love that. I was going to say, how is that possible that a couple could get a long so well for so many years :)
    Great post. I loved it!

  3. I love the never argue in the house idea, and why they spend so much time outdoors.I am sure i will share that a lot.

  4. I love that little story too! I still giggle each time I think about it!
    Corine :D

  5. What a great post. Both the articles sound great. I loved the line "we spent a lot of time outdoors!" lol

  6. Love this one Corine, it is so true. Although my husband never argues, he does mutter under his breath from time to time, so I know that he is unhappy. I think having disagreements is a part of learning and growing and striving to be together. It is not the disagreement that is the problem, it is how you handle it and whether or not you hold a grudge. Love your words today!

  7. true! Disagreements don't bother me a bit. I just think it is really important to show respect for each others difference in opinion, and to really LISTEN. We can learn SO MUCH from someone who thinks differently than we do!

    Thanks for your comments! :D

    Corine :D


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