While I was involved in a circle journal, a journal came to me with the theme of "overcoming." In it, I was asked specific questions about the greatest challenge I have ever had to overcome. As I wrote in that journal, the most personal words I had ever written about myself for anyone to read spilled out. I had been in the habit of scanning most of the pages I wrote in circle journals and posting them on my blog; but after posting this one, I quickly took it down. I felt too exposed, naked almost...
Though I overcame the challenge years ago, I still haven't felt "comfortable" posting it. And yet, a part of me knows that it is the worry of what others might think that keeps me from sharing my experience. This is something I strive never to do. I also know there may be someone who will read my story and find the path to overcoming and healing in his/her own life. And so I take my dear friend, Ginger's advice to,
...to not care about what others think, and instead care about how I can be of service to those who God may desire to lead to my story.
So today, I leave you with that journal entry (with a few changes, hopefully leaving it better than it once was). I pray that only good will come of it...
Hi. :D I’m Corine Moore, a married Mormon woman nearing 40 with 4 wonderful kids (a daughter, twin boys, and another boy as the caboose. ;) Because of my faith, I have an eternal perspective that helps me immensely in life. When struggles come my way I face them knowing that it isn't just this life that I have… I have eternity to progress. My perspective helps me to have patience with myself, my husband, our children, and with everything about life that falls short of my vision of what life can and should be. I know that this life is actually meant to be difficult... so we can learn and grow and make something of ourselves. Life isn't about fixing my family or the world; it is about improving myself through learning and growing..., with God as my partner.
And so, I believe my greatest strength may be my faith. When things get really hard in my life, I try to focus on my goals and simply hurdle over every obstacle that comes my way. My motto… (As of this year) is
My greatest weakness (ironically… the opposite of my greatest strength) seems to be doubting myself, my perceptions - doubting the decisions I make are the best decisions, or wondering if I really did receive that answer I think I got from the Lord etc. When this happens I find myself looking back. And since we move in the direction in which we are headed; this means regressing and falling back rather than moving forward. I am thankful that this weakness of mine is becoming a strength rather than staying a weakness. This is happening because I can see that my doubts have hindered my progress and joys in life, and I can see that when I pray for help and trust in the Lord and in the decisions He helps me to make – no matter how many difficulties and obstacles I may face… I am always glad that I followed through in the end. I am amazed each time I have faith in something that seems impossible… and then the way is made possible and things end better than ever dream. Sometimes it takes a long time for this to happen… but when I don’t let doubts get in the way, it always happens. I hope to have more faith than doubt… so much more that all doubt fades out of my life.
One of the greatest challenges I faced in my life was overcoming the eating disorder of anorexia bulimia. At the time, I did not want anyone to know that I had it, so told no one (I still don't like to talk about it; most of my friends don't even know). I was in my first semester of college to get a nutrition degree and, along with other classes, was guided by the Lord to take three specific classes that semester: psychology, nutrition, and an eating disorders class.
It was while in these classes that I could not deny to myself, that I had an eating disorder (you may have one, too; statistically, only 3% of the US female population doesn't have one; even if it simply an issue of over eating). It was also in those classes that I began to learn what to say to counsel others with eating disorders… I gave that counsel to myself, knowing in my heart that by prompting me to take these classes, the Lord was counseling me.
But at the time, I didn't know in my head if the counsel was right. I only knew that I was living a life that felt like hell. I was severely obsessed with trying to be lean… and, not understanding the way a human body is made, I was obsessed with trying to be something that my body would never be. I compared myself with every other woman I saw and was never happy with myself. I can not even begin to relate to you the mental agony that it involved. It was the worst time in my life! The obsession completely preoccupied my mind; never, could I truly, fully experience the joys of the moment because the horrible lies of inferiority which were always right there clouding and overshadowing everything else in my life. It was literally an obsessive mental addiction to thoughts which haunted the back (if not the forefront) of my mind every minute of every day… no matter what was happening or what else I needed to be thinking about. It was the unwanted guest that it seemed would never leave my mind.
In order to overcome this challenge, I had to have faith that the things I was learning in college about how to be lean and healthy were true. I needed to adopt these ideas as a new way of life in exchange for the habits and lifestyle I would have to leave behind. It meant no more doing all the extreme things that I thought necessary to be lean... Together these classes provided me with a new map... a new set of behaviors and attitudes to live by.
I had to hope and trust all of this advice,
...enough to give it to myself and get myself to take it.
I had to have faith that when I stopped binging and purging and starving myself… and started eating right and exercising – that my body would still - at first - gain weight to save for the "next" starvation… and that I needed to let it happen… and that when my body learned to trust that I would feed it consistently without starving it – it would realize that I was done starving it - and that it was safe to let go of the extra weight it was holding onto. I had to keep eating when the weight came on, trusting that the weight would come back off once my body was sure I was done starving it.
I had to stick with the plan even when things seemed to be getting worse instead of better.
How did I overcome it? I choose to have faith that this plan which I prayed about and felt good about would work. I chose to follow through with the plan to heal and overcome no matter how impossible it might seem and no matter what obstacles came my way. I chose to keep moving forward with the plan no matter how hard it was and to believe that if I stuck with the plan I would live to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And I did. It didn't’ happen overnight. It took years with many steps forward mixed with many steps back. But no matter how many times I thought I failed… I kept trying. I continued to go forward with faith. It was the hardest thing I had ever done; but overcoming made conquering future challenges easier and possible.
Now that it has been many years since I was unhealthy, it astounds me that I was ever in that situation. I am totally healed. It is over. I am happy. :D And I learned so much because of it! I feel good about myself because of the huge challenge that I overcame. I feel like I am amazing… (but not too amazing... after all, it was God who guided and strengthened me ;).
Many blessings have come as a result of overcoming this challenge:
I can not tell you of even one bad result this experience has left me with. Through this experience, I learned that I can bear hard things… and that through Him, I can change my life.
Because of this, I will trust in Him always.
And I will keep moving forward,
...with faith in every footstep.
I'm sure some of you understand these struggles and others of a similar nature. I hope you will come to know that there isn't anything which can't be overcome and that you will have the courage to resolve to do so. Have faith. Get help. Pray, asking for direction on how to heal, and then take that advice immediately. No matter what your struggles, the lord can inspire you and send people into your life who will help you to know what to do to overcome and heal.
Happy Healthy Living
Corine :D
This post is linked up with http://livingabigstory.blogspot.com/search/label/Meditation%20Mondays
Though I overcame the challenge years ago, I still haven't felt "comfortable" posting it. And yet, a part of me knows that it is the worry of what others might think that keeps me from sharing my experience. This is something I strive never to do. I also know there may be someone who will read my story and find the path to overcoming and healing in his/her own life. And so I take my dear friend, Ginger's advice to,
...to not care about what others think, and instead care about how I can be of service to those who God may desire to lead to my story.
So today, I leave you with that journal entry (with a few changes, hopefully leaving it better than it once was). I pray that only good will come of it...
Hi. :D I’m Corine Moore, a married Mormon woman nearing 40 with 4 wonderful kids (a daughter, twin boys, and another boy as the caboose. ;) Because of my faith, I have an eternal perspective that helps me immensely in life. When struggles come my way I face them knowing that it isn't just this life that I have… I have eternity to progress. My perspective helps me to have patience with myself, my husband, our children, and with everything about life that falls short of my vision of what life can and should be. I know that this life is actually meant to be difficult... so we can learn and grow and make something of ourselves. Life isn't about fixing my family or the world; it is about improving myself through learning and growing..., with God as my partner.
My faith in Jesus Christ is my greatest strength. So much of life is not as I would have it. Were there a magic wand to make my life a fairy tale, things would certainly be different. But I’m glad I don’t have a magic wand because I know if I did, then nothing I have would be of any value; I would take it all for granted and appreciate none of it…
I have heard it said (and I agree) anything easy to get, is of no loss if we lose it - therefore that which is easy to obtain is of no great value.
God knows how to place a value on His goods. He created this world of struggles to help us to have to work hard for the blessings we will want to hold onto for eternity… namely our families, and what we make of ourselves. Put another way... The harder we have to work to obtain something, the greater we value and cherish it.
This is why God lets us struggle; so we can have the joy of rejoicing in the end and find immense joy in the journey. Every struggle that ends in success is a victory! Every hard earned win is celebrated! Life that is filled with challenges and difficulties to overcome is a life filled with the hope for accomplishment and, and the joys of success. Where there is no option of failure, there is no option of success. And the only true failure is the failure that comes from giving up.
I have heard it said (and I agree) anything easy to get, is of no loss if we lose it - therefore that which is easy to obtain is of no great value.
God knows how to place a value on His goods. He created this world of struggles to help us to have to work hard for the blessings we will want to hold onto for eternity… namely our families, and what we make of ourselves. Put another way... The harder we have to work to obtain something, the greater we value and cherish it.
This is why God lets us struggle; so we can have the joy of rejoicing in the end and find immense joy in the journey. Every struggle that ends in success is a victory! Every hard earned win is celebrated! Life that is filled with challenges and difficulties to overcome is a life filled with the hope for accomplishment and, and the joys of success. Where there is no option of failure, there is no option of success. And the only true failure is the failure that comes from giving up.
And so, I believe my greatest strength may be my faith. When things get really hard in my life, I try to focus on my goals and simply hurdle over every obstacle that comes my way. My motto… (As of this year) is
“Keep Moving Forward… with Faith in Every Footstep.”
My greatest weakness (ironically… the opposite of my greatest strength) seems to be doubting myself, my perceptions - doubting the decisions I make are the best decisions, or wondering if I really did receive that answer I think I got from the Lord etc. When this happens I find myself looking back. And since we move in the direction in which we are headed; this means regressing and falling back rather than moving forward. I am thankful that this weakness of mine is becoming a strength rather than staying a weakness. This is happening because I can see that my doubts have hindered my progress and joys in life, and I can see that when I pray for help and trust in the Lord and in the decisions He helps me to make – no matter how many difficulties and obstacles I may face… I am always glad that I followed through in the end. I am amazed each time I have faith in something that seems impossible… and then the way is made possible and things end better than ever dream. Sometimes it takes a long time for this to happen… but when I don’t let doubts get in the way, it always happens. I hope to have more faith than doubt… so much more that all doubt fades out of my life.
One of the greatest challenges I faced in my life was overcoming the eating disorder of anorexia bulimia. At the time, I did not want anyone to know that I had it, so told no one (I still don't like to talk about it; most of my friends don't even know). I was in my first semester of college to get a nutrition degree and, along with other classes, was guided by the Lord to take three specific classes that semester: psychology, nutrition, and an eating disorders class.
It was while in these classes that I could not deny to myself, that I had an eating disorder (you may have one, too; statistically, only 3% of the US female population doesn't have one; even if it simply an issue of over eating). It was also in those classes that I began to learn what to say to counsel others with eating disorders… I gave that counsel to myself, knowing in my heart that by prompting me to take these classes, the Lord was counseling me.
But at the time, I didn't know in my head if the counsel was right. I only knew that I was living a life that felt like hell. I was severely obsessed with trying to be lean… and, not understanding the way a human body is made, I was obsessed with trying to be something that my body would never be. I compared myself with every other woman I saw and was never happy with myself. I can not even begin to relate to you the mental agony that it involved. It was the worst time in my life! The obsession completely preoccupied my mind; never, could I truly, fully experience the joys of the moment because the horrible lies of inferiority which were always right there clouding and overshadowing everything else in my life. It was literally an obsessive mental addiction to thoughts which haunted the back (if not the forefront) of my mind every minute of every day… no matter what was happening or what else I needed to be thinking about. It was the unwanted guest that it seemed would never leave my mind.
In order to overcome this challenge, I had to have faith that the things I was learning in college about how to be lean and healthy were true. I needed to adopt these ideas as a new way of life in exchange for the habits and lifestyle I would have to leave behind. It meant no more doing all the extreme things that I thought necessary to be lean... Together these classes provided me with a new map... a new set of behaviors and attitudes to live by.
I had to hope and trust all of this advice,
...enough to give it to myself and get myself to take it.
I had to have faith that when I stopped binging and purging and starving myself… and started eating right and exercising – that my body would still - at first - gain weight to save for the "next" starvation… and that I needed to let it happen… and that when my body learned to trust that I would feed it consistently without starving it – it would realize that I was done starving it - and that it was safe to let go of the extra weight it was holding onto. I had to keep eating when the weight came on, trusting that the weight would come back off once my body was sure I was done starving it.
I had to stick with the plan even when things seemed to be getting worse instead of better.
How did I overcome it? I choose to have faith that this plan which I prayed about and felt good about would work. I chose to follow through with the plan to heal and overcome no matter how impossible it might seem and no matter what obstacles came my way. I chose to keep moving forward with the plan no matter how hard it was and to believe that if I stuck with the plan I would live to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And I did. It didn't’ happen overnight. It took years with many steps forward mixed with many steps back. But no matter how many times I thought I failed… I kept trying. I continued to go forward with faith. It was the hardest thing I had ever done; but overcoming made conquering future challenges easier and possible.
Now that it has been many years since I was unhealthy, it astounds me that I was ever in that situation. I am totally healed. It is over. I am happy. :D And I learned so much because of it! I feel good about myself because of the huge challenge that I overcame. I feel like I am amazing… (but not too amazing... after all, it was God who guided and strengthened me ;).
Many blessings have come as a result of overcoming this challenge:
One good thing that has happened as a result of this challenge is that I see people differently now than I did before the challenge. There was a time when I thought everyone should be around the same weight etc… I learned that God loves variety. I learned that there is so much beauty that comes in so many different packages. I now see beauty in people that I never saw before. I am in awe by the magnitude of beauty I now see in others; I can even see and appreciate the beauty in myself that I was incapable of seeing before. I am so thankful for these new eyes; people look so incredibly beautiful through them now.
I can not tell you of even one bad result this experience has left me with. Through this experience, I learned that I can bear hard things… and that through Him, I can change my life.
Because of this, I will trust in Him always.
And I will keep moving forward,
...with faith in every footstep.
Because of this challenging experience, I have learned to lean on God and find strength in trusting Him; I KNOW He will never let me down.
Overcoming this challenge taught me to continue living a life of prayer and of following through with the answers that He gives me. I have had other big challenges in my life in addition to this one which I have been able to get through because of the faith that grew from this challenge. I have changed and continue to change. I like this new me, and the person I am becoming. :D
Overcoming this challenge taught me to continue living a life of prayer and of following through with the answers that He gives me. I have had other big challenges in my life in addition to this one which I have been able to get through because of the faith that grew from this challenge. I have changed and continue to change. I like this new me, and the person I am becoming. :D
I'm sure some of you understand these struggles and others of a similar nature. I hope you will come to know that there isn't anything which can't be overcome and that you will have the courage to resolve to do so. Have faith. Get help. Pray, asking for direction on how to heal, and then take that advice immediately. No matter what your struggles, the lord can inspire you and send people into your life who will help you to know what to do to overcome and heal.
Happy Healthy Living
Corine :D
This post is linked up with http://livingabigstory.blogspot.com/search/label/Meditation%20Mondays
Add on, October 21, 2011:
Hi. I just remembered that I scanned the pages of the journal I wrote. I decided to add the copies of the pages here just for the heck of it. Much of the writing, I changed for this blog. Since I rewrote it above, I am showing these in the condensed, small version; though you don't need to read it, I thought it might be fun just to see what the pages looked like in the circle journal that I did...
Posts
Thank you so much Corine! Thank you for having the courage to share such a difficult time of your life with us. You truly are an inspiration. I am so blessed by your friendship and your words of wisdom.
ReplyDeleteI am just totally in awe at you. I still have not had the courage to overcome my addiction to junk food and get healthy. I am going to do better. I am going to find you at your new blog and follow along. I need all the help I can get and I think you are just the one to help me!
I am so happy that you were able to find the strength to overcome your disease. You are one strong lady!
I hope you will go back to my blog and link this up with my Courage post! I think so many women need to hear your story!
It's amazing how much power those negative thoughts can have. Your story is a great reminder that with the right kind of faith and courage, we can overpower them.
ReplyDeleteHi Ginger! Thank you so much for your lovely comment! You really do make my days... did you know that? :D As far as this change goes, I would just take just one step at a time. You might want to set a small goal that you KNOW you can reach, and then be committed to reaching it. Make changes one at a time, and be KIND to yourself; don't deprive yourself. simply find one thing you would like to change in your diet, and find a substitute that is better, but which you will still enjoy and appreciate and which will give you a good feeling of accomplishment and self respect. YOU CAN DO THIS! I BELIEVE IN YOU! ;D
ReplyDeleteYour friend,
Corine :)
Hi Stephanie, it is so cool to see you here! :D Thanks for stopping by and for your comment; welcome back anytime! :)
It really is amazing how powerful thoughts are, isn't it? And speaking of powerful, I just posted another blog about the power of words... :) I think you would like it. :D
I will be coming back to your blog again soon to participate in a Conference review. Thanks so much for doing this! Have a great day! :)
Corine :D
Even more we have in common.. What a powerful testiment you just gave to the power of faith
ReplyDeleteHi Cassi,
ReplyDeleteIsn't it amazing to learn how much we have in common with people - even about such issues? It's nice to know we aren't alone, and that with God, nothing is impossible! Jeremiah 32:17
Hugs to you my friend!
Corine :D
Oh Corine, In this case, I can say that I have so been there! I too used to not eat for days. I weighed under 100 lbs and thought that I was healthy. I still struggle with weight, and with a body that does not do dieting well. However, I don't struggle quite so much with all the issues of annorexia that I once had. Much has been realizing that God does love variety, and that it is ok to struggle and to work for things. Unlike you, I still crave sweets and sugar. That is so difficult for me to get through. I love your beautiful testimony on this principle. What a wonderful opportunity you have to bear that witness to others!!
ReplyDeletePatty Ann, I'm sorry that you understand; but know our experiences are blessings too. We are better and stronger than we would have been without it!
ReplyDeleteHugs, Corine :D